This is our Story: Heavy heart

Life has been hard. The kind of hard that finds you pondering your thoughts or daydreaming all day long. I have been left with a sort of shocking numbness. This life of ours its hard. I find myself counting my blessings. I have an awesome husband that makes me a better person. He works at our marriage and I am grateful for that. I have 3 beautiful well behaved children. I have a roof over our head, food on the table and transportation to get us where we need to go. I have family that loves me and friends that stand beside me. I am blessed. Both my parents are alive and I still have living Grandparents! I truly am blessed.

This past year has come with allot of heartache. Allot of goodbyes some expected even if we weren't ready and some that surprised us.

This life of ours, it can be rough. I refuse to be molded by circumstance, I will forever stand my ground in the most vicious of storms. Each storm that I encounter will only make me stronger. Will only teach me a knew lesson. Each storm will leave me a better person, a better Mommy, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter and friend.

I know there is one thing in life I will never understand and I will never accept. I just don't have it in me.

CANCER effing sucks!!

It started with my sweet Grandpa....

I know he is in a better place. I remind myself that everyday. It doesn't stop me from missing him, it doesn't make the sadness disappear. The hardest part is watching my sweet Grandma suffer. She is lonely and a little lost. Not to mention she has had probably the worst year of her life. Aside from the total emptiness she feels by his absence things have just been difficult for her. First her lawn mower broke. Which sounds petty but when you are 76 years old and need to mow 2.5 acres it could be a little difficult having to push that darn thing around! THEN her air conditioner broke. When its 105 out its hard to just put it to the side. When they want like $8000 because they cant fix the old one it needs to be replaced. It might give you a little headache. Its just been one thing after another.

My sweet sweet Grandma. Then during this last big storm, THIS happened.......

Wouldn't you know the part of the house it landed on was her bedroom and wouldn't you know the damage was done to her closet that had all of my Grandpas clothes in it. A task she wasn't yet ready to tackle but forced to or her decisions would be made for her. Barely missed the darn brand new air conditioner. THANK GOODNESS! She had to fly to Portland last week because her Sissy passed away. I don't care who you are but no one she ever have to bury to people so dear to them within a year. That is just too much.

Then in January, on my sisters birthday mind you. This Dear woman passed away. She lived an awesome 91 years. The above picture was taken at Easter last year. Isn't she a Beauty. She sure knew how to make us laugh. Even in her last few weeks, she was still as funny as ever. She was ok with dying and she let us know. She said her goodbyes and held on as long as she could. She touched each and everyone of us up until her last breath. I will cherish every moment I spent with her, my husband was very lucky to have such a special person to call his Grandmother. One of the last conversations I had with her she told me, "Child I have never done this before, this is a Whole new ball game for me, I have never died before" She just about knocked my socks off. She was a true Southern woman, through and through.

Some goodbyes are not as peaceful as others. Last week on April 13th one of my Best Friends moms passed away. This woman was like a second Mother to me. I practically lived with her during allot of my teenage years. She was such a genuine person and always made everyone feel so loved. Really Loved. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and colon cancer and was told it was inoperable. The mass was too close to her heart. Within 10 days it had spread to her heart and esophagus. She was told she had about a month to live. 3 days later she passed away. Everyone was in COMPLETE shock. Things like this really make you stop dead in your tracks. Literally stop. In 2008 she reconnected with her childhood sweetheart and remarried. She also met a sister she never knew she had. She was such a special person.