Thursday, April 23, 2009

Easter & Birthday

I am really behind with blogging, I just realized I never posted anything about Easter and nothing since then. Aaaggghh where to begin......

Easter Sunday we went to my sister in law's house and enjoyed a fabulous brunch and egghunt with the family. It also happened to be Jordan's birthday, Jordan is one month younger than Taylor exactly, so they are really close and love eachother so much.
Here are a few pictures from the day.....

Jordan and I, Happy Birthday!! That would be her Mommy in the background, with that adorable pregnant belly.
Singing Happy Birthday to the birthday girl!

Taking a rest after the egg hunt....

Coleman hunting for eggs......sad to say....I think this was his last year hunting....maybe not, we might get one more year out of him, although I might have to get him to ditch the pillow case! HA

Taylor and Miss Bella

Jen (Zack's cousin) and I......I love this girl and we dont get enough time together :(

The End......there are a ton more pictures and details from the day but I feel overwhelmed with how behind I am.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Stepping outside the swirl~

We are all familiar with the old imperative “To thine own self be true,” and clear that much would be resolved if only we operated consistently with it, but the pull for getting approval from others and the need to fit in is a strong one. Even when we’re fully aware that we’re being inauthentic, and know that we don’t really believe in what we’re doing or saying, we still act as if we do—because we’re afraid we might risk losing approval of some kind. Even though we know the standards we’ve set for ourselves are impossible to realize, we still keep trying—we hide our perceived shortcomings, or pretend they don’t exist. In doing so, we unwittingly add yet another layer of inauthenticity.
It’s hard to be at ease when we have to keep up a pretense and not be true to ourselves in some way. Yet it’s not as if we woke up one morning and intentionally said, “Gee, I think I’m going to act inauthentically today. What my life’s going to be about is looking good and avoiding looking bad.” This way of being is just kind of automatically there. Every time we opt for looking good or avoiding looking bad over what’s actually true for us, inauthenticity creeps in and we compromise who we are.

We don’t much like thinking of ourselves as being inauthentic, but we live in societies today in which the name of the game is to “make it,” to “fit in,” to “look good,” so a great deal of what we think and do becomes shaped by a kind of cultural commitment to that. That pull or gravitational force is an ontological phenomenon, not a psychological one—it’s the already/always condition of being human (a term which kind of speaks for itself). This condition is ubiquitous—it influences everything: How we see and respond to situations, what we’re concerned with, what’s important to us. While we might think we are responding in true, authentic ways, what is actually happening is that our responses are essentially just a fallout of that already/always condition. And it is against that pull—the enormous gravitational force of that condition—that we attempt to be authentic.
When we compromise, even in the tiniest of matters, it’s easier for those compromises to become more and more commonplace; we begin to feel as if doing that is a normal and O.K. way of behaving. Over time, bit by bit, this erodes our sense of self. It’s like stirring one drop of red paint into a can of white. The paint may turn only the palest shade of pink, and while that might seem barely noticeable—no matter what we say about it—the paint is no longer what it was. Similarly, when the wholeness and completeness of who we are is jeopardized in some way, albeit imperceptible at first, our sense of ourselves gets obscured, making it harder to return to who we are. When that begins, there’s really no starting point to become ourselves—it’s all flailing around.

To be authentic requires putting aspects of our present ways-of-being on the line—letting go of pretenses, letting things show themselves in new ways, and acknowledging whatever inauthenticity is at play. The possibility of fully being ourselves occurs in proportion to our being authentic; said another way, it occurs in proportion to the degree we own our inauthentic ways of being. In not owning them, we essentially resign ourselves to inauthenticity staying around. Living with a pretense, or being afraid that some aspect of ourselves might be found out, precludes any real freedom. We live, rather, with a kind of fabricated freedom—a large price to pay.
Sartre said that facing one’s freedom can be terrifying and uncomfortable—because facing it makes one feel insecure, and inevitably produces some level of anguish. Hence, we are constantly tempted to live inauthentically, pretending to ourselves that we are not free. To maintain this pretense, we try to convince ourselves that our actions are determined—by our character, our circumstances, our nature, or whatever. The last thing we want to admit is that our actions are determined only by our free, unconstrained choices.*2

Being authentic—stepping outside of the swirl of the already/always condition—requires courage. Humorist Josh Billings said, “This undertaking is not only the most difficult thing to do, but the most inconvenient as well.” In being authentic, the already/always condition becomes stripped of its power and is no longer the determining force in shaping who we are. Here, the context for the question “who am I?” shifts from flailing about, trying to find ourselves somewhere out there, to a context of creation. This is more difficult, because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no known path to success. It’s a blank slate. It’s a matter of courage—a matter of creating possibility. It gets made up as we go along, and it is this shift that makes available to us the full possibility of being human.
Joe Dimaggio~Landmark Forum Leader

*1 David Sedaris, “Introduction,” Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules, pp. 3-4.*2 Adapted from Raymond Martin and John Barresi, The Rise and Fall of Soul and Self, pp. 237-238.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Opening Day

Ok so my plan is to get caught up....on this blog that is. Everything else, well we will take that day by day. :)
So a few weeks ago, we had Opening day for Baseball. SO it begins! It was a miserable day with the freezing COLD weather, that happened to come out of nowhere and has seemed to stick around. So needless to say, we didn't "hang" around all day, it was pretty much rush to finish up and get out of the cold, windy, drizzly weather.

Here are a few pics of the day...

Awwww Taylor with her beautiful Aunty!

My Sister in law and I, please ignore the no makeup clad face, makes me look tired, I do believe I was tired that day.

Taylor was trying to stay warm, it was COLD!

"See Daddy.....SEE that one! I want that.....candy.....PLEEEAAASEE!!"

Daddy's little girl

This was my favorite float, aren't they adorable! The teams name is "Storm" notice the rain Pancho's soooo cute!
Our Niece and Nephew, Jace and Bella.

"Thats Me...."

Father and Son, prepping before he takes off in the parade, "Now remember just toss the candy, dont beam it at little kids and innocent bystanders! Got it?" "Yes Got it Dad, just toss the candy, if I happen to mistakenly hit someone, remember it was JUST an accident"
Zack and his Sister.

They finished the ceremony with a beautiful tribute to Robynn Goodell, WSLL issued a plaque in her name that will be hung in the Snack bar and her Husband and children released balloons in her favorite colors as the first pitch was thrown. It was beautiful and there were not many dry eyes in the crowd.

Monday, April 6, 2009

A difficult decision

I have really been neglecting this blog. The last couple weeks have really been a blur. So many things have been going on, its hard to find a place to start. I will start with this...

Zack and I (an many other loyal supporters) have been working on a business deal to purchase a gym. Of all of the many things that have either fallen in our lap, flew out of our hands, or my husband has spent countless hours on. This by far was one of the biggest. As most of you know, Zack is a Entrepreneur, always chasing a deal, or running from it, this all leads back to his passion. The characteristic that I believe gets him here. He is one of the most passionate people I have ever met, he puts his whole heart and soul into everything he does. This is one of the most inspiring things to watch and also one of the hardest.
One of his greater passions is fitness, in the gym, in the home, food, supplements, you name it. He loves it. This happens to be one we share. If I could choose a company/business we as a family and as partners could run/manage together, it would be a gym. Well the opportunity presented itself a couple months ago. So we literally ate, drank, slept and worked this gym, every second of the last couple months. It was one of the most exhausting things I have ever done. If you think I was tired you could only imagine how Zack felt. Any effort I was putting into it, you can go ahead and multiply that by 100, thats what he was putting into it. I dont think I have ever been more proud of him, he exhausted every recourse and did not leave one stone unturned, he could honestly say, he put his due diligence in on this one. Every day we were presented with a new obstacle, a new task, a new decision that we had to spin in our heads, then come together to make the best decision possible. All the while, maintaining our jobs, our home, our children and eachother oh and ourselves. At the end of the day, we were spent.
Long story short, we were going forward, the cards were in our favor, we proposed what we would want in a perfect world. They accepted. We were left a little stunned, a little excited a lot of scared and every other emotion.
I had my reservations, Zack had his, and our support system had theirs, many of which were the same. Zack did one of the most honorable things anyone could have asked of him, he pulled the plug at the last minute. By the last minute I mean, we were to take ownership, April 1st. The business license was being processed, the business account was established, credit cards in the mail, the vendors were lined up, the supplies were stocked, and on and on, this was going to happen, we were moving forward. I was prepared for what was ahead.
Through this process we knew we had a huge commitment ahead of us. On March 31 I dropped my husband off at the airport and had to say goodbye and prepare for yet another haul without him. His journey on Santa Rosa Island has begun. So while he is away working I had/have my list to manage. There are many reasons why he decided to turn the gym down. Its a decision we are both happy with. Sigh.....of relief. Im really not sure how I would have made it through the next few months. I know I would have, but in what condition I am not sure, and so glad I did not have to find out. From the beginning this was his baby, his dream, his decision, he had to make the choice. Not me, not our family, but him. I know deep down he wanted someone else to make the decision for him, but no one could.
We both feel as though a ton has been lifted off of our shoulders. Its easy to breath again. I am proud of all the time and energy he put into this, I am proud of the decision he made. It was right for many reasons, and we both learned so much along the way.