A little Rut....

The last week or so I have been feeling a little out of sorts. Our life is extremely busy right now, like really busy. Our week looks like this.

Monday~Work, school, baseball game, Monday night football :)

Tuesday~Work, school, flag football game, soccer practice, football practice, Crossfit

Wednesday~Work, school, football practice

Thursday~Work, school, football practice, soccer practice, crossfit

Friday~Work, school, oh what a night off......aaaawwww

Saturday~Soccer game, baseball game, football game, golf and whatever else we can squeeze in

Sunday~Finally a day off.......lazy day cooking and watching football (ok who am I kidding, laundry laundry cleaning......)

So those are the basics. Somewhere in all of that, I have to feed my family, clean my house, grocery shop, squeeze in orthodontic appts., hair appts (desperately need that), and try to also work out and continue to get back in shape. Its easy to just mindlessly go through each day, but who wants to live like that. As busy as I am and we are, why do I feel bored. I want to pack up my little family and run. Not run away for long, just long enough for a vacation. The need to do this as been nagging at me. Probably because we dont have time for much. We have to tightly schedule everything. In the midst of all of this I have to create a routine for my workout, and its taking its toll. I NEED to workout. I have been trying to go for a run or bike ride after we get home at night, but feel guilty about feeding my family so late and by the time I can go, I dont want to. I have books to read and baths to give. To be successful while dieting it takes allot of preparation, like cooking all my food the night before. Who wants to cook dinner and clean up dinner and then cook all my food for the next day. (I NEED SOME GOOD CROCK POT RECIPES!) Now I see why It was so easy to be bad. So I have come to the conclusion that I am not successful squeezing my workout in at night, its not fair to my family or to me, I want to be able to relax. SO the only option is going in the morning, which I used to do. Wake up at 4:30 to go to the gym. Its difficult in the beginning but then it gets easier, I know it does, I did it, just need the motivation to do it again. Then I come home and get ready and the kids ready and out the door by 7:15. Cole is going to a new school this year so he rides a bus because its about 15 minutes away. It would be nice if the bus stop was in walking distance, no such luck. He has to be dropped off and picked up by someone. So in the morning I pick up our friends boys and take them all to the bus stop. Which is fine because the favor is returned in the afternoon. Thank goodness for that!

So our wedding anniversary was last week, we tried to make time to go out, to celebrate. We couldn't. No time. That was a little depressing. We will though, its never too late. My plan is to take the hubby and run away for a day. There is a hike that I really want to go on at Stinson beach. Its beautiful! Soon we will do that, soon.

Work is crazy this week, I was asked to work overtime on a project that we have to complete. Come in at 6:30 and off at 5, then work some hours on Saturday. As you all know the State of California is furloughed. I wont elaborate on that too much but it has effected us a huge deal and not just financially. My work load has multiplied. Those Fridays off have really been a blessing during this time, Im able to schedule appts that otherwise are difficult, clean my house, do laundry and anything else I can squeeze in. We now have to work the second Friday on this "project" so our desks don't get too behind. Which is not a bad thing because they give us the time to use anytime we want. The pay would be nice but the time off is nice too.

So my plate is full. I guess this is why, Im bored with my healthy food, I don't want to work out, I dont want to clean my house, my kids can just stay stinky (I don't let them but it sounded good), and I feel the need to run and be careless.

I don't like to complain. I don't like playing the pity party. I just needed to vent I guess. It feels good to be real and to be honest. Life is not always easy and fun, it can be difficult and trying. My troubles do not even compare to others and I know that. Its amazing when you see someone struggle or hurt you want to drop everything and help or just be there. It gives our crazy busy lives a new light new motivation.

I love my life. I love my husband and I love our kids. I am blessed and grateful that my kids can play sports and we have the choice to be crazy busy. When I stop and think about it, I feel bad for having these thoughts today, because its not that bad. If I stop fighting the challenges of my everyday I can see that I have a good life. I have enough energy to do alll that's on my list and still read before bed and watch my favorite shows and get a full nights sleep. I can cheat on my diet hear and there and it wont make that much of a difference and I can still achieve my goals. I can push my husband to do the things he loves and take on new hobbies and not lose himself as we all do. He is golfing again and he loves it. He is attending a rigorous workout group (crossfit) and is excited about it. Why is it that he knows what I thrive on (working out) but yet I have excuses and get defensive when deep down I know he is only doing what I do for him. Pushing me a little harder because he knows I can perform.

During all of this. The crazy busy schedule and everything else. I want another baby. I have wanted another baby for a while a long while. I know its not the right time, but will it ever be? I keep thinking its a phase and I will get through it but I dont. I still feel my heart strings being pulled at the sight of every baby and toddler. Its a yearning im having a hard time getting over. Im going to leave it at that for now.

Wow this was long. This is how I feel today. Im not going to type any kind of closing statement. Even know after putting it all out there. I feel good. I feel like I can accomplish so much today. I got a text from my sister in law this morning, "Dinner at my place tonight, I have something in the crockpot and plenty of food" For a second I felt like jumping for joy! Check one thing off my list! HHHOOOOLLAAA!! We will be there. Who cares if we don't get there till 7:30 or we come in waves because of the different things we have going on. Who cares if I still have a million things to do at home. I DONT HAVE TO COOK DINNER! And that made me smile.